The Sky Is Falling
Tuesday, October 23

The cordless phone rang. Once. Twice. With my eyes still glued shut, I fumbled through the layers of bedding to find it.

"Hullo?" The word came out in a mumble as I surfaced from the depths of a dream.

Slivers of sunlight peeked between the blinds and cast pinstripes of pale gold across the room. I blinked to life and stretched beneath the flannel sheets.

"Did I wake you?" Kevin's voice, flat and cool, cut through the background bustle of the golfers in the pro shop.

"Mmmm...good morning." I cradled the phone against my ear and rolled onto his side of the bed.

I loved Kevin's daily wake-up call. Sometimes I kept my eyes closed and pretended he was still beside me, poking me in the back of the thigh with his early morning hard-on.

"Annette, we need to talk."

His tone switched on stadium lights inside my head.

"I just can't do this anymore. I've felt this way for a while now..."

His voice sounded so far away, each word was shrinking and fragmented, nearly inaudible. Time stopped. My throat constricted and my morning brain struggled to make sense of the waking nightmare.

Kevin continued to explain why our relationship had to end, but the only thing I heard clearly was, "I'm sorry." He said it again and again until the sound rushed in my ear like wind through a tunnel. Until the word sorry had no meaning.

"Don't do this," I whispered.

The ceiling swam above me. I blinked and my eyelids overflowed. Warm tears ran into the tiny hollows of my ears.

I cupped my hand over my mouth to hold back the choking sobs. I knew there was nothing I could say. He sounded so cold. I knew I'd already lost him.

The conversation ended as quickly as it began; I couldn't even say goodbye. Kevin hung up and the dial tone echoed in my head. My sobs, finally free from any witness, turned into wails bearing claw marks. Nooooo. Whyyyyyy? It became a rocking, incoherent mantra.

A soft rap on the bedroom door was almost lost in my sobs.

"Mom? Are you okay?" Josh peered into the room, his hand still gripping the doorknob.

I wiped the curtain of wetness from my cheeks and patted the space beside me. I tried to level my voice. "Good morning, Wonderboy. Are you ready for school?"

Josh sat on the edge of the bed and leaned to hug me. At twelve, he was small for his age, and reed thin, all elbows and knees. He pulled back and searched my face intently. "What's wrong?"

I couldn't tell him and then just send him off to school to deal with it. "I'm okay. Do you need help with this? " I ruffed his soft, dark hair. "You're going to be late if you don't get moving."

"I need more gel, I'm out. Can you be sure to get the blue kind like we got last time?"

I nodded to assure him that I knew the proper color choice was imperative for social acceptance. "Did you have breakfast and brush your teeth?"

"Yep." Josh smiled with his lips pulled taunt like a manic clown.

"Good job," I kissed the top of his usually spiky head and nudged him off the bed. "Have a good day. I love you."

"Love you too."

Josh's steps thundered down the stairs and I heard the front door slam.

Alone in the house, I felt abandoned in a cave of cold shadows; the silence pressed painfully against my chest. A fat, single tear rolled down each cheek. I couldn't believe Kevin left me.

He left me.

I curled up like a wounded child and cried hard for hours. Weak and dizzy, the catching breaths pulled me into an exhausted sleep.

***

When I awoke, my head throbbed so much my eye sockets hurt. The sun had shifted, signaling the afternoon descent toward sunset. I rolled over and glanced at the clock. Josh would be home soon.

I stumbled weakly down the stairs to the kitchen and went through the mindless motions of boiling water for instant oatmeal. After forcing down two spoonfuls, I couldn't swallow. It caked like moist sand around the lump in my throat. I pushed the bowl away.

Why didn't I fight? I should've begged him to stay. I should've insisted he tell me what I did wrong. Maybe it was pride, maybe a little bit of defeat. It wasn't the first time I'd ever been dumped. But somehow, I thought my relationship with Kevin would make it all the way to happily-ever-after.

That's all I ever wanted.

Excerpted from The Break-Up Diet: A Memoir © Copyright 2012 by Annette Fix. Reprinted with permission by Orange Curtain Publishing. All rights reserved.